i-Rant

Indians, today, are of two kinds. They are either Engineers, or Terrorists. And bad ones at that.

Anyone can become an Engineer these days in this country. All you have to do is buy a worn-out copy of the third edition of Communication Theory by Simon Haykin, and have a couple of arrears to your credit. Thats that, and no more strings attached. There is an Engineering College around the corner of every street, and admissions are purely based on the merit of your progressive dad.

Becoming a terrorist is the cooler option, you get a whole lot of gadgets and a blow-yourself-up kit too. All you have to do is grow a catchy goatee or beard(if you are a Muslim) or a really bushy mustache(if you are a Hindu). You should have atleast Inzamam-Ul-Haq's communication skills, just for the sake of sending the Government occasional threatening letters in the name of Allah or Jaya Bachchan.

You gotta add an occasional Inshallah here and there, and make up extremely ridiculous and confusing statements to keep the CBI satisfied. And dude, you need no motive, because the Indian Government has a history of discriminating against everyone, from Dalits to John Lennon. So, nobody really cares for a motive. Just make up statements like:

"Inshallah, you have so far ignored the plight of our people(?), and have killed hundreds of our community(?) and have treated the issue of our separate homeland(?) as a complete joke. It is time for all the Indian people to pay(?), we hereby dedicate these blasts(?) to Allah's name."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not biased against Muslims or anything, but its just that everytime I see a Terrorist on TV or in Captain movies, he is:
(a) A Muslim
(b) Mind numbingly stupid
(c) Caught in a mug-shot(how the Govt let him go, I'll never know)

Pakistani Terrorists used to be a rage, but of late they are just has-beens, much like the Pakistani Cricket Team. Everybody's pissed off at the Pakistani terrorist, because these days half their bombs don't blast and are found by the lazy Indian Police(!) and disabled. Also, there is no professionalism. They still seem hung up on good old socialist days, when nobody used to work and everybody got paid. Its a cut-throat world out there, man!

Sample this:
A constable found a bomb outside a cinema hall in Delhi, he took a stone, broke the ticking clock and disabled the bomb!!!! I mean, whatever happened to those good old days of green-red wires in bombs and all those hours of perspiring action when the Bomb Squad tore their hair over which one to cut???

And of the bombs that do manage to fulfill their lives destiny and blast, three-fourths turn out to be low-intensity blasts. Whatever happened to those good old days when each bomb churned out causalities by hundreds??!!

Imagine the terrorist's plight, when he leaves behind his family for years, goes through a lot of planning and methodical strategy, and ultimately ends up hurting a homeless drunk and a roadside romeo...! Sad.

But the plight of the Engineer is much worse. Atleast the terrorist has placement opportunities in whatever field he's interested in. There are famed organizations like the Lashkar-e-Toiba and the Al-Qaeda(thats like Microsoft in engineering terms), or the Shiv Sena(strictly for Hindu extremists) or the newly created Maharashtriya Navnirman Sena(MNS) where you get to harass celebrities and do moral policing on Valentine's Day just for the heck of it.

The Engineer doesn't get placed ,dude. Even if he does, there cometh no call letter to stifle his hunger for work. Four years of ridicule, broken aspirations and dreams... you get ragged by seniors, then kalaaichified amidst pals, then the love of your life rejects you, your dad sneers at your marks, Anna University springs a sudden surprise and offers you an arrear in the subject you're least expecting one in, and you go through the trouble of sitting for placements, when you know that your chances of getting placed are worse than Advani's chances of winning the next elections.

Being a terrorist is a better option. Atleast you get your face printed on newspapers. Better to die an outcast, rather than dying a non-entity. Or you could write a blog, and get your pals to comment on all the crap you write.

Thats what I do. Its pointless, it doesn't pay. Who cares, even hardwork doesn't pay. Atleast its fun.

Free..