An Ode To Times So Serene..

In voids of dreams
and time encaps'ed
between the throbs
of hearts enrapt'ed
with joy and endless
strains of love, that
stood in stark
for stars above to
witness, cry their eyes
to please
and envy from their depths
and cease
in silence golden, a force so strong
so humbled
by our love abound
I see thy eyes
I witness peace
I hold you close
by hands as these
so blessed in waves
by Gods unknown
I whisper love
to you, my own
You bring me bliss
you teach me life
and steer the tears
you clear my eyes
oh, how I wish
for time to still
and rest me softly
heart so filled
with shielded strands
of memories
undead and held, these
vagaries..
oh, how i wish
for time to still
and rest me softly
I fold within.

Peace.. free..

Four colorless blank walls closing in on me... and a silent yet unyielding scream rising up from the depths of my self.

When visions fade in and out to a blur of activity that one can hardly comprehend... when all I wanna do is just stop thinking.. an effort wasted, an act futile.

I log into Blogger, I know it's been way too long, and my fingers are crossed in the vain hope that letting my thoughts flow out as words will banish these thoughts and clear my mind again.

A wave of emotions, an eruption of indifference... contradictions galore and bloodshot eyes.

A faint smile that dawns on my sudden realization that one fine day when everything's rosy and dandy I'll find this post curious and amusing. The inner tantrums of yet another egotist, the kind the World is filled to the brim with.

The deal is done, and I'm losing interest again.

Screw Blogger. I'm outta here.

Words..

And I guess this one goes to the one sans wings.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd,
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day.

- Eloisa To Abelard (Alexander Pope)

JFC

Excerpt from a random script that I've been trying to finish for long. There's nothing more enraging than thoughts that refuse to flow out as words. I need the words, and I'm waiting.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is what my life has become. Waking up to the musty smell of an apartment that’s far from clean, and sipping stale coffee, taking a moment out to wonder what crap they fill the packet up with.

And then there’s the routine.

Staring through the dirty tainted glass windows of the bus on the way to work trying to comprehend the meaning of it all. I see the World fly by in shades of yellow and brown, I see hunger, I witness poverty lined along the border of the darn street. And it hardly stirs a feeling in me.

I feel nothing. I’m a programmed monotonous neighborhood-friendly by-product of everything that’s wrong with humanity.

I’m that annoying blinking cursor on your word processor, the one that makes your fingers twitch in irritation and hit the keyboard.

I am nothing, and I want to die.

The stain, it’s in my heart. And there is no cure, no other choice but to endure the slow serenade of hopelessness.

I am nothing. Let me die.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wait, and I wait. Free.

# Whatever

Just scribbled this one down when I felt like it... and texted it to unsuspecting people!

The weather sings,
a tune profound
to fill my heart,
with joy..
abound and all I wish,
for time to last,
when lives around me
come to pass
This day shall live,
in vein and sand,
and whisper to the elder men,
that life is truly beautiful,
and how I wished the Earth would still.

#4

The Suns arise,
bursting forth with boundless joys of life,
the sullen night...
goes on an exile,
hiding through the shame,
of our boundaries thin,
giving in to light,
giving into tides and time.

Should I survive?
Fade away unmarked by ties.
let hearts rejoice?
Like a butterfly,
tearing out of chains,
cocoon breaking and,
flying into autumn breezes,
stripped off laws and binds.

Yet this shall pass,
yet this shall die,
and then reborn,
like dawning light,
I think again,
to muse my way
illusions soaring
to sleep again.

Life

The small guy lay on his bed, leafing his way through his Social Studies book.

He paused at a certain page, and suddenly looked up.

"Have you ever been on a plane?"

"Yeah", I said, "Back when we were in Delhi. Sponsored by Dad's office. Maybe 5 times."

"I've never been on one." He sighed, "What does the city look like from up there?"

"Nothing distinct.. ", I muttered, "All you can see is blocks and blocks of buildings. And clouds."

"Wow... I'm gonna fly high, soon as I get a job and have money."

"You will, soon. Just hang on." I smiled.

He now flies.

To his father's funeral.

# 3

That sinking feeling.

When the endless fall that was part of your dream seems to be chillingly real. When you wake up sweating and stare at the ceiling, unable to comprehend why you are awake.

When you feel as though you are falling down a deep dark abyss even though a part of your mind grapples with the fact that you are in bed.

I realized today for the third time in my life that listening to songs alone in a dark room that is stoically silent otherwise can lift your sense of self up better than anything else in the world.

You lie on the cold hard floor and you stare distantly as Soundgarden's Kim Thayil hauntingly plays the opening licks of 'The Day I Tried To Live', and for the first time in your life, you notice things that were trivial not so long ago.

You stare at the relentlessly rotating ceiling fan that has been witness to many a gathering... the loud and boisterous times you spent with your pals, the serene times you spent at peace with yourself, the times you spent with that special someone in your life.

Fight Club, and as Norton corners Marla Singer, the faker, the way you felt the small yet significant warmth of a person leaning against your shoulder.

With four walls and a ceiling standing testimony to that beautiful union of hearts.

Your moments of happiness, mistakes, and tears. All within those walls.

The memories rush back as the song rises up in a crescendo, with the guitars screaming near breaking point. You quote Nietzsche and wish you could forget.

'Blessed Are The Forgetful, For They Get the Better, Even Of Their Blunders'

When you are one with the space around you, and melt into the non-existent realms of the World.

At the climactic peak, when you yearn to reach out, spin the wheel of time in reverse, and just gaze at your own life from another perspective.

And silence falls, fading into nothingness.

'Shapes of every size move behind my eyes
doors inside my head bolted from within
every drop of flame lights a candle in
memory of the one who lived inside my skin.'- Shadow Of The Sun.

Amen.

# 2

When the wind runs
through the fingers,
when the sand is kicked up far,
when the night of
endless whispers
and the days of dreamy stars,
wither out with but no trace
from the steely hate of gaze
and the broken empty pot of heart,
cries out with bridled rage.

When the mask in man is torn,
and the weight of life is borne,
when the people keep on stealing
thoughts undeserved and out of tone,
when the flowers rust in peace,
in the falling might of trees
and an endless screaming wail
hits home
in a leaden hollow wheeze...

Will this throbbing ever stop?
In the vacant sea of hearts?
Will the winter wind turn green
rush as the summer brushes clean?
Will the spiders of our past
clean out the cobwebs off the lost?

Will the winter wind turn green, rush as the summer brushes clean?

I just want to know. Why?

#1

Its just one of those days, when all your anger gives way to a sudden explosion of peace, when the evening light flickers back on as the curtains fall, filling the darkest chambers of your heart with an earthy glow.

Peace and contentment. When things lose the importance you give them, and obsession gives way to indifference. When you sense your own shift in perspective, and you feel glad for the smallest and most trivial of things.

You stand alone, at peace with nature, and you smile at the endless stretch of clouds in every direction. You stand, high above, poised precariously, and gaze down at the innumerable specks of humans hurrying about their chores in an endless stream of life.

Its the feeling of amusement and awe that slowly dawns on you, when you see a colony of ants bustling about here and there, seemingly oblivious to the World around them. To our presence... oblivious to the presence of the greatest among us.

Morality decays into absurdity, and ego loses its worth, when you realize that the whole wide world is, after all, a farce.

The world is a mirror, and you always end up seeing what you want to see.

Those that crave for beauty shall find it even in the tiniest of places and events, and those that crave for power shall find every stone worth conquering. The World, as we know it, is a collection of fables from every man that ever lived.

Life evolves, times change. Species rise and fall, the best among them speculate, searching the answers for questions unknown. Their time runs out eventually, and dust covers theirs ruins, as their decline ends. The eternal questions remain unanswered. Memories erode, and yet, this too shall pass.

'Dust thou art, to dust returnest..'- Was indeed spoken of our times.

And yet we choose to sleep with our eyes wide open, refusing to let comprehension creep in. Enlightenment.

For in comprehension, lies our salvation. Or so we believe.

Like some guy put it forth quite simply, the only constant thing is change.

Absurdly random post, I know. What is a blog, after all, but a masturbation of self?

That Time Of The Year

'Joel: [voice over] random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap. - Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.'

Advertisements haunt me in every single channel. News reports, cover stories, an explosion of interest in a previously unknown subject of thought. Yet another instance of a country torn between what it is and what it wants to be.

Discussions on civilian rights in every group I pass by on the road, people debating with interest after the Mumbai fiasco. Topic in debate being the Ram Sena. A bunch of white haired, or even worse, hairless 'activists' fighting for the cause of upholding a 'culture' that is prone to 'infiltration' by 'unwanted' elements.

According to them, apparently, locking up the women in your family and denying them the very gift of freedom will protect our integrity and individuality. Maybe there is a scarcity of burning issues in the nation, so much so that we have to grab the least excuse of a 'controversy' and project it as a matter of national importance.

Its not these fake activists that I detest, it is the one thing that gives them so much coverage and nation-wide recognition: Valentine's Day.

Pink tacky decorations in every third shop, hanging springy pink things, hollow glassy bubbles and fake enthusiasm among the general public. You can almost see the pain behind their smiles.

Over-rated commercial gimmicks, diamond pendants, heart-shaped boxes of pure milk chocolates that nobody ever buys on any normal day. Fluffy and freaky teddy bears with 'I-heart-U' tags. Its almost like some crazy look-at-me-I'm-so-happy-and-committed spree.

Maybe the whole wide world is basking in some sudden revolutionary happiness or maybe I'm too miserable to give a damn about it all.

Don't count the days and wait for February to arrive to show your gratitude to the ones that support you emotionally throughout your life. Do it today, tomorrow or on any random day. Show them you care, just don't publicize it and blow it up into a huge carnival.

And a fake one at that.

For all you lovey-dovey ones out there, happy Valentine's Day.

Stalin

-"and with her died my last warm feelings for humanity" - Josef Stalin.

Amen.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzsche... one man who never ceases to amaze me with his countless quotes and observations on mankind. Its almost incredible to believe the guy fathomed so much way back in 1880, his philosophy takes extremity to a whole new level.

His quotes have very deep issues, and being one among the countless layman, I can understand only a layer of what he's trying to convey. But they have a tendency to present different meanings to different persons based on their outlook and mindset.

Who would have known, the guy called for education and social elevation of women much before it became a raging issue!

I've samples a few of his quotes... try googling the rest if interested.---

Whoever has overthrown an existing law of custom has always first been accounted a bad man: but when, as did happen, the law could not afterwards be reinstated and this fact was accepted, the predicate gradually changed; - history treats almost exclusively of these bad men who subsequently became good men!

-from Nietzsche's Daybreak,s. 20, R.J. Hollingdale transl.

What is new, however, is always evil, being that which wants to conquer and overthrow the old boundary markers and the old pieties; and only what is old is good. The good men are in all ages those who dig the old thoughts, digging deep and getting them to bear fruit - the farmers of the spirit. But eventually all land is depleted, and the ploughshare of evil must come again and again.

-from Nietzsche's The Gay Science, s. 4, Walter Kaufmann transl.

Truth as Circe.-- Error has transformed animals into men; is truth perhaps capable of changing man back into an animal?

-from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.519, R.J. Hollingdale transl.

Not enough!-- It is not enough to prove something, one also has to seduce or elevate people to it. That is why the man of knowledge should learns how to speak his wisdom: and often in such a way that it sounds like folly!

-from Nietzsche's Daybreak, s. 330, R.J. Hollingdale transl

The vain.-- We are like shop windows in which we are continually arranging, concealing or illuminating the supposed qualities other ascribe to us - in order to deceive ourselves.

-from Nietzsche's Daybreak, s. 385, R.J. Hollingdale transl

It is not things, but opinions about things that have absolutely no existence, which have so deranged mankind!

-from Nietzsche's Daybreak, s. 563, R.J. Hollingdale transl

Will and willingness.-- Someone took a youth to a sage and said: "Look, he is being corrupted by women." The sage shook his head and smiled. "It is men," said he, "that corrupt women; and all the failings of women should be atoned by and improved in men. For it is man who creates for himself the image of woman, and woman forms herself according to this image."
"You are too kind-hearted about women," said one of those present; "you do not know them." The sage replied: "Will is the manner of men; willingness that of women. That is the law of the sexes - truly, a hard law for women. All of humanity is innocent of its existence; but women are doubly innocent. Who could have oil and kindness enough for them?"
"Damn oil! Damn kindness!" someone shouted out of the crowd; "Women need to be educated better!" - "Men need to be educated better," said the sage and beckoned to the youth to follow him. - The youth, however, did not follow him.

-from Nietzsche's The Gay Science, s. 68, Walter Kaufmann transl.

We have arranged for ourselves a world in which we can live - by positing bodies, lines, planes, causes and effects, motion and rest, form and content; without these articles of faith nobody could now endure life. But that does not prove them. Life is no argument. The conditions of life might include error.

-from Nietzsche's The Gay Science, s.121, Walter Kaufmann transl.

Cause and effect: such a duality probably never exists; in truth we are confronted by a continuum out of which we isolate a couple of pieces, just as we perceive motion only as isolated points and then infer it without ever actually seeing it. The suddenness with which many effects stand out misleads us; actually, it is sudden only for us. In this moment of suddenness there are an infinite number of processes which elude us. An intellect that could see cause and effect as a continuum and a flux and not, as we do, in terms of an arbitrary division and dismemberment, would repudiate the concept of cause and effect and deny all conditionality.

-from Nietzsche's The Gay Science, s.112, Walter Kaufmann transl.

Until next time... free.. peace.

Mind Matters

The phrase ' The things you own end up owning you' is so amazingly true when you think about it.

The human mind is the all powerful creator behind the various things it is now addicted to. We created computers, television, the World Wide Web, drugs, cigarettes, cellphones and a hoard of other stuff, and we have ended up feeling woefully disabled without these secondary luxuries in our life.

The mind, while potent enough to think up these things and also the remedy for preventing addiction, is incapable enough not to realize that we are its true masters and not the other way around.

In Crichton's style... Man creates God. God enslaves Man.

Our minds rock... cheers.